Weighty Issues

Oh, Fitblr.  I really just can’t quit you.

I don’t know why I quit you in the first place, to be honest.  I was doing so well, writing down my food and my workout and weighing in every week.  You were keeping me on track, so much so that I got to point of being 199 lbs, the lowest I’ve ever been throughout this whole process.  I should’ve been ecstatic and over the moon and just kept on keeping on.

But to put it honestly, it depressed me.  That I had lost 50+ lbs and still needed to lose another 50 lbs.  Something like that should’ve motivated me, but instead I got bummed out about it.  And then to make matters worse, I got cocky.  No, I don’t need to write shit down and go to the gym all the time, I thought to myself as I ate more and worked out less.  At that point in my life, I was working and going to school and I put my health priorities on the back burner.  Why would I need to care about my health?  I had lost 50 lbs - I was healthy!

And sure enough, that’s how I ended up back here, having gained 25 lbs. since last year and it’s finally clicking in my head that I’m going to have to have this little fitblr to let me keep track.  Any time I’ve lost significant weight in my life it has been due to writing it down (Why is that so hard to remember?  Why is so hard to DO?).  I know holding myself accountable again will be hard, but lying to myself is harder.  Sure, I haven’t gained everything back (thank god), but I’ve gained enough back to know that I feel uncomfortable and that I’m tired of the current size of my jeans.  I’m tired of pretending I feel okay when I know what to do to get myself back and track and yet, refusing to do so.  It’s time to put up or shut up, self.  Frankly, I know that when I’m working out and eating better, my life is happier.  It’s time to start making myself happy again.

*I wish you could negotiate with the scale, but sadly, such is not the case.