Since August, my life has just been way out of sorts. AUGUST. That feels like a lifetime ago! (it’s not)
The bullet points on this tumblr = the organization I wish I had in my real life.
- So, it’s the end of July. I had just gotten back from vacation, where I had gained three lbs (which actually isn’t so bad, in retrospect). But that three lbs quickly morphed into seven lbs gained and I can’t figure out why.
- REALIZATION I HAD TODAY: my whole month of August = the most unstructured month of my life. I had just finished up my internship and I had a month until classes started. Cue lots of free time and eating way more than I should have. So August became a sort of weird gaining/maintaining month. I never went over 210 and that was awesome.
- September rolls around. School starts up. Should’ve been awesome, right? Well, I have three night classes, meaning I have ample time during the day to be home. Hypothetically to do homework (which I am doing; next bullet point), but I’m basically at home and snacks are calling me. ”Eeeeeeeat Meeeeeeeee”. The cupboards and the fridge are in cahoots and it totally worked. But still, I was always hovering around 210. But still…it really sucked.
- I’m home all the time, stressing about school. Because this point? Four weeks into the semester, I am a certifiable stress case. If I’m not at school, I’m at home, doing my work for school and then I get an hour to myself to do work out classes. Which are totally ineffective, because I’m at home overeating because I’m so stressed.
- Cut to last Friday where I find myself in my professor’s office, CRYING. Bawling my eyes out (I was not ugly crying, thank god) and it sucked. That whole meeting made me aware that I need to drop the class that is stressing me out.
- Parents have been gone all weekend and they finally came home today - we had a talk about it and they’re going to support whatever I do, which is nice. But now I have to set up 97 meetings (…slight exaggeration) concerning my dropping the class, signing up for next semester, trying to find out if I can graduate this semester anyway and still take a class next semester, financial aid ridiculousness, and on top of all of that, look for a real, grown up job.
- But this is a food/weight loss blog tumblr, yes? Here it is folks: because I was so stressed and sad on Friday, I proceeded to drink almost an entire bottle of wine by myself (under the guise of having a party at my house!) and then binge/stress ate the rest of the weekend. Scale this morning said: 215. Fuck. My. Life. An hour later, it said 213, but the damage has been done.
So while I thought I needed to stay away from tumblr to figure out my life, I realize that I need tumblr in it. I need to record the stress eating, the highs, the lows, the weight gains and losses. And for as much as I hate writing down what I’m eating…I guess I’m just going to have to resign myself to the fact that it works. It fucking works.
It might seem impossible now, but I’m going to remember how to lose weight again. I’m going to get into the 100s, I’m going to fit into a pair of size 14s by New Year’s. My life might seem messy now, but if I leave tumblr out of it, it’s only going to get messier. And I refuse to get back up to 252 again because if I don’t nip this in the bud, that’s exactly where I’m headed.
