Weighty Issues

Oh, Fitblr.  I really just can’t quit you.

I don’t know why I quit you in the first place, to be honest.  I was doing so well, writing down my food and my workout and weighing in every week.  You were keeping me on track, so much so that I got to point of being 199 lbs, the lowest I’ve ever been throughout this whole process.  I should’ve been ecstatic and over the moon and just kept on keeping on.

But to put it honestly, it depressed me.  That I had lost 50+ lbs and still needed to lose another 50 lbs.  Something like that should’ve motivated me, but instead I got bummed out about it.  And then to make matters worse, I got cocky.  No, I don’t need to write shit down and go to the gym all the time, I thought to myself as I ate more and worked out less.  At that point in my life, I was working and going to school and I put my health priorities on the back burner.  Why would I need to care about my health?  I had lost 50 lbs - I was healthy!

And sure enough, that’s how I ended up back here, having gained 25 lbs. since last year and it’s finally clicking in my head that I’m going to have to have this little fitblr to let me keep track.  Any time I’ve lost significant weight in my life it has been due to writing it down (Why is that so hard to remember?  Why is so hard to DO?).  I know holding myself accountable again will be hard, but lying to myself is harder.  Sure, I haven’t gained everything back (thank god), but I’ve gained enough back to know that I feel uncomfortable and that I’m tired of the current size of my jeans.  I’m tired of pretending I feel okay when I know what to do to get myself back and track and yet, refusing to do so.  It’s time to put up or shut up, self.  Frankly, I know that when I’m working out and eating better, my life is happier.  It’s time to start making myself happy again.

*I wish you could negotiate with the scale, but sadly, such is not the case.

Breakfast: banana, clif mini protein bar

Morning Snack: 13 chocolate rice cakes

Lunch: peanut butter & homemade blueberry jelly on sandwich thins bread, applesauce, sugar free pudding cup

Afternoon Snack: clif mini protein bar, 1 reese’s peanut butter heart shaped candy

Dinner: Hungry Girl pizza, handful of almonds, 2 reese’s peanut butter hearts

Exercise: 45 minutes on the treadmill, walking from the parking lot to the campus building (holy crap, the wind DIRECTLY IN MY FACE AS I GO UPHILL).

Water: probably about 32 oz.

Hello fitblr, we meet again.  The last time I wrote in this thing was on December 7, 2010 and as I write this now, it’s February 1, 2011.  A lot has happened since we last met;

• Finished my finals
• Got over being sick
• Started my final semester of college
• Started a paid internship
• Gained 5 lbs since Dec. 7.

These bullets are probably related to each other in one way or another.  And as much as I hate writing down what I’m eating, it just works.  I need to get serious about pushing forward with my weight loss journey.  When I was on point with tumblr and eating and exercising and everything, it worked and when I stopped, everything stopped.

So I’m not making promises that I’ll stick with it this time because promises can be broken.  But I’m taking this day by day now and hopefully that will work in the long run better.  It’s taken me two years to get to where I am now and if it takes another two years to get even further…well, that’s okay too.  Even if I lose my way, to get back to where I was takes at least one step in the right direction.

Here’s the first step to the second half.

TUMBLR YOU’RE BACK!

But actually, I still have to avoid you like the plague because I have two finals due by 9 pm and I haven’t even started on those yet.  Boo.

But I am popping in to do Weigh In Tuesday, so…

• Starting Weight (12.01.08): 252 lbs.
• Last Weigh In (11.30.10): 205 lbs
• This Weigh In (12.07.10): 206.5 lbs.

Ugh, I know, I know.  Super disappointing gain after being able to lose 5 lbs in a month without really looking at the scale.  But here’s why I’m not freaking out:

• Considering some of the crap I’ve eaten, I suppose it could’ve been worse
• I did exercise for two days - small blessings?  I know it should’ve been more, but that leads into my next point….
• FINALS.  STRESS.  CANNOT WAIT FOR GLORIOUS THURSDAY WHEN THE MADNESS WILL BE OVER.
• As of yesterday, I started shark week.
• And also yesterday, I drank so much coffee/pop/water that I’m surprised I didn’t make sloshy noises as I walked around and really, I think that kind of helped me in the long run.

Anyway, finals don’t last forever.  I will be able to hit the gym possibly tomorrow, but definitely by Thursday and then I will be on glorious break and can hit the gym every day if I want to (which I do!  We’ll see if that happens).

Happy Finals Week guys.  Also tumblr, I’m pissed that you left, but in hindsight it was probably the most perfect timing.  So….yeah.

HELLO TUMBLR, I’M BACK.  I didn’t mean for “No Weigh In November” to turn into “No Tumblr November”, but…that’s kind of what ended up happening.  If you remember from my last posts, I was deathly sick and at the time, I just kind of logged off tumblr for awhile because I didn’t want to bore you guys with my whining and my “OMG I’M NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER!” posts.  But!  Today is an important day!

Two years ago today was the day that I decided to make healthy decisions for my life.  I was grossly overweight, unhappy with my life, and just…stalled.  But when I started, I didn’t realize that at first.  At first, I was just joining an office “Biggest Loser” competition and by February, I realized that I wanted to be healthier, happier, and just all around feel good.  And that’s exactly what happened.

I’m nowhere near being done yet, but I’m at least halfway there and it’s something I’m pretty proud of.  Somewhere in November, I found my spark to get healthy again, something I had lost after hitting a 50 lb weight loss.  Losing 50 lbs should have been the most exciting thing ever (and it was great, believe me), but it brought about a sort of unexpected depression.  Sure, I’d lost 50 lbs, but I still had AT LEAST 50 lbs more to go and the thought of that was super daunting.  The next six months that followed, I just sort of lived my life and yo-yoed between a 5-7 lb weight gain.  I knew I wanted to keep going, but it felt like I needed a break.  I was always constantly thinking about working out and eating healthy and smaller clothes and I have to do this, this, and this to be happy, to be healthy.  It was, in a word, EXHAUSTING.  So, for as much as I wish I hadn’t had that break, it was kind of exactly what I needed.  It gave my mind a chance to recharge and to realize that I didn’t want to gain any more weight that I’d worked so hard to lose.

So without any proper segway, the results of No Weigh In November;

• Starting Weight (12.01.08): 252 lbs.
• November 2, 2010: 210 lbs.
• November 30, 2010: 205 lbs.

Obviously, this is awesome.  I’m not sure if more of it has to do with being sick or because I avoided the scale as much as I did, but I’m willing to take it :)

As of today, I bought a month membership at my gym (my mom & I are going to join a different gym when they have a deal on their memberships - probably just in time for New Year’s) and I worked out for 45 minutes.  I plan to make full use of this membership because not only do I want to see 199 in time for the New Year, but I’ve got a wedding to get in shape for next year and there’s no time like the present to get started.

Happy December guys.  Glad to be back :)

So, I’ll admit it.  Since starting “No Weigh In November”, I have weighed myself three times.  Considering I used to weigh myself every day, I feel this is good progress, but still.  

I felt guilty after the first two weigh ins because 1) I wasn’t supposed to be weighing in and 2) I hadn’t lost any weight (like the scale was mocking me or something.  ”You’re not supposed to be on here, so ha ha, your weight hasn’t changed!” …or something).
But then Thursday night, after Skyping with my bff and pretty much straight talking for over an hour, I went to bed with a sore throat.  That sore throat persisted on Friday and then by Saturday, I had basically caught a lesser version of the cold my mom has had all week.  Sinus pressure, sore throat, stuffy nose - it was pretty terrible.  Not just the symptoms, but the overall hunger I experienced.  It’s not that I lost my sense of taste or anything, but because of the way my nose was, every time I ate something, I couldn’t breathe!  So I tried to eat as much (and as healthy) as I could, but eventually I just tried sucking down water as a way to fill up my stomach.  Saturday and Sunday night I basically went to bed starving because when you’re sick, the nights are the worst for breathing.

And speaking of Sunday, omg, the symptoms were terrible.  I was tired and a little achy, but for whatever reason, I ended up going shopping with one of my best friends (and scored a Starbucks Peppermint Mocha for my throat) and then after talking on the phone with a different friend, my voice was shot to hell.  Still is, actually.  Every time I talk, I sound like Peter Brady going through puberty.

ANY WAY, the point of this being - I was pretty vigilant about what I ate this weekend.  Lots of fruit, some vegetables and protein, and LOTS OF WATER led me to weigh in this morning.

• Starting Weight for November: 210
• Weight Halfway through November: 205.5

Granted, those 4.5 lbs came off in four days and because of the whole being sick thing.  But I’m just hoping I can keep up with this momentum.  Honestly, I wanted to weigh in at 205 for December, but now that I’m there now, I’m gonna shoot for weighing in between 203-201 by December 1.

As of today, I feel better than I have all weekend.  Currently: voice is still gone, appetite is ravenous, but I can breathe through my nose a little bit and I don’t feel achy.  By the end of the week, I hope to be back in the gym, sweatin’ to the oldies.  And I basically get to spend all day in bed, working on homework I blew off this weekend because of how crappy I felt.  So…awesome.

• Current status: siiiiiick.  Sore throat, stuffy nose, nose pressure, inability to sleep (less than 5 hours last night?  ugh)
• I got too cocky.  Last winter was my healthiest winter ever, so clearly Mother Nature was like “oh, we have to fix this”.
• but
• if this cold helps me out of the weigh in slump
• and i can actually use it to my advantage
• this will be the greatest cold of all time
• OF ALL TIME.
• 
• even though currently, my stomach wants me to do this:
• 

• sore throat is getting progressively better and then it swoops into omghurt! mode.  so that’s fun.
• but now there’s nose pressure and some stuffiness
• i drank beer last night and ate crappy
• ugh, nice start november.  nice start.
•